An excerpt from my latest novella, A Woman's Hand, due out eventually. Funny how even fiction has a way of getting to the truth of things.
The women were a distraction.
From the loneliness that was gnawing at me.
I’ve always been a lonely person. Many people think that because I often spend time alone, I’m a loner, but nothing could be further from the truth: I crave to be with people. I don’t necessarily need to be the center of attention, but I do like to be surrounded by people.
Why do you think so?
I think it has something to do with growing up in a large family and being at the bottom of the totem pole, so to speak. I was called the “Baby of the Family” as if I were babied, but the fact of the matter is, the lower you are on that totem pole the less of your parents’ tender loving care you receive.
Listen: when the first child trips and falls, the parents scoop the child up into their arms and comfort it. The second child gets a hug and some encouragement. The third, a pat on the head. The fourth is told to walk it off. The fifth gets scolded for making so much goddamn noise.
And the sixth?
He’s told he’ll be given something to really cry about if he doesn’t stop crying right this second.
It must be terrible to be the seventh child.
Oh, the seventh child has it easy: the parents are so tired of raising children by then that he usually gets forgotten or neglected. Neglect would have been like a walk in the park on a sunny afternoon compared to what I had to contend with as a child.
Older brothers showing their fraternal affection through the administration of the daily Wedgie, Titty-twister, Wet Willy, and other indignities. So, as a consequence of the mild neglect of my parents and quotidian physical and emotional abuse by siblings I developed this inclination for melancholy and loneliness.
Has sleeping around ever helped?
Tame that gnawing loneliness.
Gabriel García Márquez wrote that . . .
His is the Maestro. He wrote that there was no place in life sadder than an empty bed.
Oh? I can think of places that are worse.
A tad hyperbolic, perhaps, but true, nonetheless. My bed today is far from empty—three young boys sleeping between my wife and me, tangled limbs and leaking diapers and I’m constantly rolling over onto Tomica die-cast cars, Lego blocks, and Kamen Rider blasters—and I couldn’t be happier. When my second son woke the other night to find his younger brother sleeping on my chest he cried, “No! No! No! My Daddy! My Daddy!” Now that I think about it, I haven’t felt lonely or sad since I became a father five years ago. Am I tired? Yes. Woozy from sleep deprivation? Yes! But lonely or sad? No, not at all. As for the sleeping around helping, I would have to say, no, it did not help.
 The original quote is “Ninguin lugar en la vida más triste que una cama vacía.” Another good one from El Coronel ne tiene quién le escriba is “No hay medicina que cure lo que no cura la felicidad.” (There is no medicine that cures what happiness cannot.)